meet me or not, i'm out of control
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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