i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
