Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
