oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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