2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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