nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just puked most of my soul out..
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