I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
