So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
