If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
