Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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