I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
jump out the window naked night went bad
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
