ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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