I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
