my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
