erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
