sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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