I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
