..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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