woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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