she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
