you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
