I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
