We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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