My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
