Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
