...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
