i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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