video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
