She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
