I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
