The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
