You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we're making bets on your personal life
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
