i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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