Do you still have your period?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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