Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize