It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
