So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Randomize
