After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
