do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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