Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
