My liver just broke up with me...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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