I can text with my tongue
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
