covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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