We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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