exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.