I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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