i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?