eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...