I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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