hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
