Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You are a genius and a whore.
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