Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
