Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
