She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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