I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
