dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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