stop calling my apartment porn island.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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