Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
