I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
