I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
