yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
