I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
