you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
