Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
