guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
