so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
