i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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