I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
