im gay
i know
yea but for you.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
