My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
