apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Also, beer. Big fan.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
